Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, it is becoming a trend that young
people
would like to go to
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
show examples
area to live and work, and leaving old
people
in the
countryside
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because there are more
job
opportunities and entertainment in the
city
. I firmly believe that young
people
relocates
Change the verb form
relocate
show examples
to cities which is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
positive development. The reasons are shown in the forthcoming paragraph. There are some positive development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if young
people
move to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
firstly
, living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new
city
that
far
Add a missing verb
is far
show examples
away from home, which can improve young
people
independent capacity and develop
money-management
Correct your spelling
money management
show examples
.
For example
, young
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
to look for a place to live and find a
job
by themselves,
instead
of staying with
parent’s
Fix the agreement mistake
parents’
show examples
house and
ask
Wrong verb form
asking
show examples
a
job
from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
Furthermore
, young
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
more chance to meet new friends in the
city
and broaden their horizon.
For example
, generally speaking, when young
people
meet the difficulty related to life,
job
, and money, parents cannot show up or help them as soon as possible, friends always provide a shoulder to help you, whatever in
mental
Add an article
the mental
a mental
show examples
or physical aspect.
Moreover
, there are more entertainments in the
city
such
as facilities, clubs, pubs. They can go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
there after work to get mental
releasing
Replace the word
release
show examples
.
However
, there are some disadvantages that leaving old
people
in the
countryside
.
Firstly
, The loneliness of old
people
will increase,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
may cause
mental
Add an article
a mental
the mental
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
people
cannot take care of themselves,
therefore
young
people
has to send them to aged care and visit them frequently.
Lastly
,
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
would like to develop
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
but there is
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
of labour in the
countryside
as young
people
moves
Change the verb form
move
show examples
to urban area. In summary,
this
is a good thing that young
people
chasing
Wrong verb form
chase
show examples
their dream in the big
city
, but they still have to take care of elder
people
who live in the
countryside
.
In addition
to, the government should think about that how
overcomes
Change the verb form
to overcome
show examples
this
issue
Change preposition
of that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
shortage
Change preposition
of worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
in the
countryside
.
Submitted by jasmineloveyou414 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • migration
  • economic opportunities
  • urban areas
  • rural industries
  • cultural heritage
  • overpopulation
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • neglect
  • workforce
  • traditional cultures
  • customs
  • pollution
  • support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: