IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this? Angsa

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Developing countries around the world are suffering from the deterioration of air and water quality
due to
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 industrial pollution and construction problems. Tightening the pollution regulations and launching public awareness campaigns by the government can be viable solutions for the issue. The first preventative measure which tackles the problem is the implementation of stricter control measures by the state officials. Having enforced the rules, manufacturers and other workers adopt environmentally friendly practices,
such
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 as using renewable energy sources and sustainable materials.
Furthermore
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, the wastes of construction and emissions from factories can be reduced by recycling processes.
For example
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, statistics provided by the Ministry of Environmental Protection and Ecology of Kazakhstan indicate that the ecological conditions decreased by 20% after striking control in the industrial and construction sectors between 2005 and 2010. The following fundamental strategy for preventing contamination is a government-sponsored awareness campaign. Not only does
this
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 approach promote an eco-friendly society, but it
also
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 encourages international collaboration, by highlighting the benefits of sustainable choices for a more sustainable future.
Moreover
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, public awareness incentives for community engagement in taking actions with accountability.
For instance
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, Sweden is considered to be the cleanest and least waste-producing country in the world. The key solution created by its state was encouraging the citizens to have natural protection with informative sessions and articles. In conclusion, the contamination rate of the water and air is substantially increasing in underdeveloped countries.
This
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 concern can be tackled by implementing stricter controls on the infrastructure contaminants and initiating processes to inform residents about the safety measures for the good of ecology in their areas.

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task response
The introduction clearly outlines the problem and proposed solutions, which is good. However, providing a clearer thesis statement may strengthen it further.
task response
Consider elaborating on your examples to better illustrate your points. This would enhance your argument and provide clearer connections between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, summarize your main points more explicitly to ensure the reader understands your key arguments are being reinforced.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with distinct paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
task response
Relevant examples, particularly from Kazakhstan and Sweden, show knowledge of global issues, which enhances credibility.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emissions
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • pollution
  • environmental standards
  • monitoring
  • enforcement
  • industrial waste
  • public awareness
  • clean technologies
  • accountable
  • incentivizing
  • recycling
  • community engagement
  • regulations
  • contaminants
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