IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions

#levels #youth #crime #cities #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Irrefutably, the rate of juvenile
delinquencies
Fix the agreement mistake
delinquency
show examples
 is burgeoning in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 it is the result of many reasons which will be discussed in the latter paragraphs with some remedies
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these problems. Increasing crime among youngsters has lots of reasons;
firstly
Linking Words
, the advancement in technologies including various websites and applications which are well known to every heir.
Although
Linking Words
, these gadgets have both pros and cons
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some of the criminal activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shown on these aids encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 violations. In essence, a gaming application called 'The Blue Whale' includes stages of difficult tasks which build the interest of adults to accomplish the final stage of the game.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some adolescent easily indulges in felonies with the help of
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
social media.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, lack of surveillance by parents and teachers may lead to the involvement of scions
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bad peer company. To explain, some
birth givers
Correct your spelling
birthgivers
 are busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their office work and
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 less
intension
Replace the word
intention
show examples
 to supervise or motivate their offspring which results in a lack of values and social interactions.
Thus
Linking Words
, teenagers learn skills from society rather than from their parents. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem , there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some solutions
such
Linking Words
 as the innovation of some laws to ban various shows and videos shown on the internet by the government.
For example
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 penalty should be lodged in the squad
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 releasing violent movies.
Hence
Linking Words
, that
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 act as
warming
Correct article usage
a warming
show examples
 to other film
industries
Change the noun form
industry
show examples
 members.
Additionally
Linking Words
, guardians play an important role in the upbringing of
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, with the help of support and supervision of their offspring by setting them their goals
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 life.
For example
Linking Words
, father encourages their children to
take
Verb problem
be
show examples
admission
Replace the word
admitted
show examples
 to the best university of business management in New York. In consequence,
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 concentrate more
to fulfil
Change preposition
on fulfilling
show examples
 his/her dreams in spite of
diverted
Add a missing verb
being diverted
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 activity.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some bad companies and viral media
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 youth development to do illegal work but to solve these circumstances it is not only the
responsility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of public authorities but
also
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 parents to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by hasanrimple53486 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but the overall logical structure and coherence need improvement. The essay lacks proper organization of ideas and progression of thoughts.
task achievement
The response provides some relevant ideas and examples, but it does not fully address the task. The essay lacks depth in discussing the reasons for increasing youth crime and the solutions provided lack development and clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • surge
  • productive activities
  • quality education
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • economic disparity
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • legitimate means
  • inclusive education
  • mentorship
  • community policing
  • youth engagement
  • early intervention
  • constructive pathways
  • social services
  • at-risk families
  • root causes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: