IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need form the internet. They can learn and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #children #information #form #internet #home
Internet
Add an article
The Internet
show examples
 has been used as an educational tool due to its rapid development which allows
schools
 and teachers to give lessons, homework and assignments online.
Students
 can
also
 surf
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
internet
 for research and extra readings.
However
,
schools
 are still irreplaceable by the
Internet
 in terms of the weakness of the
internet
 and the essential role of
schools
.
Internet
 is undoubtedly a very powerful and useful tool to teach
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but only depends on the way we use it.
Firstly
,
students
 lack of teachers' guidance will lead to teenager
internet
 addiction as many of them lack self-discipline and spend so much time on irrelevant websites. What's more, tons of information uploaded on the
internet
 is not in a one-hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 accuracy,
however
, youngsters can not distinguish right and wrong without
further
 explanation and prove.
Therefore
, to make good use of the
internet
, the teacher role is vitally important and must not be eliminated. School is a mini-society for the adolescents before entering the real world, where it is not only a place to gain knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but a place to train their social skills
such
 as communication, interpersonal and presentation skill.
Furthermore
, apart from family,
students
 can build their values and attitude through teachers and classmates who could only experience it but not by words and images. In
such
 advantages, the
internet
 is clearly not able to provide emotional and soft skills only by written information. To conclude, the
internet
 is absolutely a very helpful assistant when
students
 want to obtain more information and knowledge outside classes, but,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sometimes, there are more skills and experience they could earn from
schools
 and peers which is not able to replace by electronic parts.
Submitted by tsoiwingtung24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: