IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

With the advancement of technology, the death rate is decreasing and more individuals are staying healthy even in older age
hence
Linking Words
 increasing old people in society. Some believe that it has a positive impact while others are saying the opposite to it. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and explain why it has more advantages than disadvantages. The
first
Linking Words
 major benefit of having the older person at home is the responsibility. While youngsters are out for their work, grandparents would be able to look after the children. The working
generation
Use synonyms
 can work without bothering about their kids and their activity classes.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays kids have to attend multiple classes like Zumba, swimming other than school. Grandparents can help them with pick-up and drop-off facilities in the absence of their parents. Another reason is that they provide security and
this
Linking Words
 keeps robbers away by knowing that someone is at home.
Hence
Linking Words
 the presence of
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 provides a great benefit to society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, elders are putting pressure on their elderly care especially when they fall sick and their son or daughter is working overseas.
For example
Linking Words
, the father of my best friend is living alone in his house because his son is working abroad.
Although
Linking Words
 he is sending sufficient funds for his survival he needs to hire a nurse which is not easily available every time. The rising population of
this
Linking Words
generation
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 resulting in fewer working
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 and a more retired
generation
Use synonyms
. Because employers have openings for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh minds rather than used ones. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 there are some negative points of having a growing population of old people like elderly care and less number of the working population. Availability of grandparents
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 in many ways like child care and home safety.
Therefore
Linking Words
 advantages outweigh the disadvantages of aged people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: