In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society

With the advancement of technology, the death rate is decreasing and more people are staying healthy even in older age

hence

increased

Wrong verb form

increasing

show examples

elders in

society

. Some believe that it has

positive

Correct article usage

a positive

show examples

impact while others are saying

opposite

Correct article usage

the opposite

show examples

to it. In

this

essay, I will discuss both views and explain why it has more advantages than disadvantages. The

First

Correct your spelling

first

show examples

major benefit of having

older

Add an article

an older

the older

show examples

person at home is the responsibility. While youngsters are out for their work, grandparents would be able to look after the children.

Working

Correct article usage

The working

show examples

generation can work without bothering about their kids and their activity classes.

For example

, nowadays kids have to attend multiple classes like

zumba

Change the capitalization

Zumba

show examples

, swimming other than school. Grandparents can help them with pick-up and drop-off

facility

Fix the agreement mistake

facilities

show examples

in the absence of their parents. Another reason is that they provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

security and

this

keeps robbers away by knowing that someone is at home.

Hence

presence

Add an article

the presence

show examples

of the elders provides a great benefit to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

On the other hand

, aged individuals are putting pressure

for

Change preposition

show examples

their elderly care

specially

Replace the word

especially

show examples

when they fall sick and their son or daughter is working overseas.

For example

, the father of my best friend is living alone because his son is working abroad.

Although

, he is sending sufficient funds for his survival he

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to hire a nurse which is not easily available every time.

Rising

Add an article

The rising

A rising

show examples

population of

this

generation is

also

resulting

into

Change preposition

show examples

less

Correct quantifier usage

fewer

show examples

working

employes

Correct your spelling

employees

show examples

and more retired gentlemen. Because employers have openings for fresh minds

Change preposition

show examples

comparison

Add an article

a comparison

show examples

to used ones. In conclusion,

Although

there are some negative points of having

growing

Add an article

a growing

show examples

population of the aged people like

eldery

Correct your spelling

elderly

elder

care and less number of the working population. Having grandparents in

society

helps in many ways like child care and house safety.

Therefore

advantages outweigh the disadvantages of aged people in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Submitted by davinderkaur3190 on Wed Dec 29 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?