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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
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With the advancement of technology, the death rate is decreasing and more people are staying healthy even in older age
hence
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increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 elders in
society
Use synonyms
. Some believe that it has
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact while others are saying
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 to it. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and explain why it has more advantages than disadvantages. The
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First
Correct your spelling
first
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 major benefit of having
older
Add an article
an older
the older
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 person at home is the responsibility. While youngsters are out for their work, grandparents would be able to look after the children.
Working
Correct article usage
The working
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 generation can work without bothering about their kids and their activity classes.
For example
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, nowadays kids have to attend multiple classes like
zumba
Change the capitalization
Zumba
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, swimming other than school. Grandparents can help them with pick-up and drop-off
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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 in the absence of their parents. Another reason is that they provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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security and
this
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 keeps robbers away by knowing that someone is at home.
Hence
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presence
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the presence
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 of the elders provides a great benefit to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, aged individuals are putting pressure
for
Change preposition
on
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 their elderly care
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 when they fall sick and their son or daughter is working overseas.
For example
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, the father of my best friend is living alone because his son is working abroad.
Although
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, he is sending sufficient funds for his survival he
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to hire a nurse which is not easily available every time.
Rising
Add an article
The rising
A rising
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 population of
this
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 generation is
also
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 resulting
into
Change preposition
in
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less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 working
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
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 and more retired gentlemen. Because employers have openings for fresh minds
as
Change preposition
in
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comparison
Add an article
a comparison
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 to used ones. In conclusion,
Although
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 there are some negative points of having
growing
Add an article
a growing
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 population of the aged people like
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
elder
 care and less number of the working population. Having grandparents in
society
Use synonyms
 helps in many ways like child care and house safety.
Therefore
Linking Words
 advantages outweigh the disadvantages of aged people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by davinderkaur3190 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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