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Writing Samples
Band 4

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures
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It is often said that a large number of people all over the world are drawing attention to the fact that youngsters be put under high
pressure
Use synonyms
 nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. In fact, it
is widely believe
Change the verb form
is widely believed
show examples
 that the rising standard in education is the major issue
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 become more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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. As far as I am concerned, there has been a highly problematic issue, and it raises the question in relation to its problems and potential solutions to deal with.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some main points will be addressed in the following paragraphs.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is a well-documented fact that the rising standard in education and the high quality of exams will put
remarkably
Correct article usage
a remarkably
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 amount of
pressure
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
students
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.
Students
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 now are being pushed to limit most of the
time
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, and the lack of outdoor activities may make them feel unsettled and
unconvenient
Correct your spelling
inconvenient
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
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 in countries like Korea and Chinese
spends
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spend
show examples
 almost around 17 hours a day studying which is 80%
time
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 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is no doubt that
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system
have
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has
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 to anticipate
this
Linking Words
 problem quickly, by lowering study
time
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 at school and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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students
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spend
Add the particle
to spend
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 more
time
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 on extracurricular activities to help them get away from exhaustion.
Second
Linking Words
 of all. another main problem
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 caused
pressure
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 to
students
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 is family
pressure
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. At the moment, parents are putting
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 amount of
pressure
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 on their kids because of the competitiveness in many aspects of their life.
This
Linking Words
 problem
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be solved as soon as possible, and it is
parents
Add an article
the parents
a parents
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 responsibility to set lower expectation on their kids to make them feel more comfortable To
clonclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, it
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 my strong belief that children are being put high expectations and
this
Linking Words
 is mainly caused by educational system and parents and
appopriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 steps
such
Linking Words
 as encourage
students
Use synonyms
 to participate in more outdoor activities or balance the standard in academia need to be taken to tackle
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
Submitted by tuannghia210604 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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