People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #workforce

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Life expectancy has been rising across the world

as a result

Linking Words

of qualified healthcare. Improved medical care has ensured

people

Use synonyms

overcome long-term diseases like diabetes,

cardiak

Correct your spelling

cardiac

disease, and cancer which have decreased their quality of life.

As a result

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

have lived longer and healthier than before.

Although

Linking Words

it sounds sympathetic, it

also

Linking Words

has

unfavorable

Change the spelling

unfavourable

show examples

results. Many

people

Use synonyms

who are in their elder years could spend their time useful and contribute to society

instead

Linking Words

of trying to stabilize their chronic disease.

People

Use synonyms

who retire young can continue to work and produce something for more years rather than being a consumer.

In addition

Linking Words

, older

people

Use synonyms

can spend more time with their families and grandchildren. To be more precise, Working parents can leave their children to their grandparents safely while at work.

Therefore

Linking Words

, children can learn about traditions, values and history from their seniors.

This

Linking Words

learning is important for shaping society to be strong.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, increasing lifespan means more population burden and medical expenses. In fact, there are limited sources in the world for humanity and there must be a balance in the natality and mortality rate for the measurable resources to be sufficient for humans. Prolongation of the average lifetime could lead to starvation and poverty.

Therefore

Linking Words

, medical care tools are

also

Linking Words

limited for a certain number of

people

Use synonyms

. Some

people

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may have to face the problem of not getting the necessary medical care. In conclusion, longer lifespans have some

favorable

Change the spelling

favourable

show examples

results like that older

people

Use synonyms

could live more time productively and they could make a great contribution to future society by effecting their grandchildren. It

also

Linking Words

has some unfavourable outcomes like being a burden for the government and

world

Correct article usage

the world

show examples

. In my opinion,

unfavorable

Change the spelling

unfavourable

show examples

outcomes are more important than others.

Submitted by evrim_bayrak60 on Wed Dec 29 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
financial resources
retirement fund
cognitive functions
social interaction
wealth of experience
expertise
social security systems
dependency ratio
employers
adapt workplaces
job retraining
flexible working hours

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People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Is there any event that is considered the most significant in impacting your life? What might have happened if that event had not occurred?

The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trends. Give your solution for the causes.

Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries. However, some nations are using alternative energy such as solar power and wind power. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people thinkk that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?