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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #cooperation #team #skills
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Nowadays, teaching students to be competing at school is debatable. Many people argue that children are required to be trained competitively at school,
while
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others
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 believe that being cooperative and having good
team working
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 skills are more valuable.
This
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 essay will discuss both ideas and give my personal opinion regarding the views. On the one
hand
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, many people believe that young learners are needed to be taught as competitive students.
This
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 is because being competitive may help them to survive their
life
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 in the
future
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.
For example
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, I have a brother
how
Correct word choice
who
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 has been spoiled by my parents since he was a child,
as a result
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, in his adult
life
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 he is incapable of making decisions without
parents
Correct pronoun usage
his parents
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.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to train children to be independent and competitive at a young age.
On the other
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hand
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,
others
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 think that
team working
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 and working together skills are more beneficial for pupils to survive in their
future
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 social
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Teaching young learners to be able to work
hand
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 in
hand
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 with
others
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 is deemed to be helpful to live
Correct article usage
a
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social
life
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 in the
future
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.
For instance
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, when a friend of mine was having depression, he did not know
one
Correct pronoun usage
anyone
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 who
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 solve the problem.
Thus
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, learning how to be sociable and cooperative with other people can solve at least one of one’s issues. In conclusion,
although
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 some individuals argue that working competitively sounds like a safer option for survival,
others
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 are convinced that being cooperative will
also
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 help kids to live better. In my personal view, I believe that having both skills will give the best outcome for children to survive in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
future
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by andri.saputraozz on

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task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and gives a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented logically and cohesively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • strive
  • healthy competition
  • real-world competition
  • excessive
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • win-at-all-costs
  • detrimental
  • character development
  • empathy
  • communication skills
  • group efforts
  • individual talents
  • self-reliance
  • independence
  • balanced approach
  • competitive learning environments
  • cooperative learning environments
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