IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In this 21st century , modern technology has lept the way into every s

#st #century #technology #lept
In
this
 21st century , modern
technology
 has left the way for every good
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
 in human life where some
people
 knock that the range of
technology
 available for
people
 is rising the gap between the wealthy and poor persons but others think that it has reversed which I will
disscuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 in my upcoming paragraphs. To address with, poor persons get education easily with the development of
technology
 because of the internet provides a bulk of educational websites and applications for free of costs where poor students can easily get more
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 about the particular field of education.
for instance
, according to a recent survey, nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
 use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 just to know about their educations
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
free of cost.
secondly
, after the invention of mobile
Phones
Correct your spelling
phones
show examples
 and
computers
Add a comma
,computers
show examples
 rural areas are becoming part of the global Villages and they can communicate all over the world with the advancement of
technology
as a result
 , it is very beneficial for
people
's life.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 on the other
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 some
people
 think that
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
 have more
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern science.
firstly
, wealthy
people
 have gotten the most effective treatments of diseases with the help of modern types of machines there are many diseases like cancer, heart transplants and more which are very expensive to treat by
advancement
Add an article
the advancement
show examples
 of medical machines it is only affordable for the wealthy
people
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of
this
, more luxurious goods are being produced by different companies because of rich
people
 have more choices of buying those items. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 modern science improved the lifestyles of both the personalities in my opinion recent
technology
 has increased the gap between rich and poor.
Submitted by dhanoagagan36 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: