IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

here is no denying the fact that economic growth has improved the standard of living all over the world. However,

#fact #growth #world
the Healthy lifestyle is one factor
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is considered
Add an article
the
a
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development of a country.
Therefore
, high consumption of sugar products will put people's lives at risk. In conclusion, the government and the public authority must play a significant role to motivate people to live
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy life with
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 diet.
Then
 comes the social and commercial pressures on
children
 today. The situation becomes perilous when
children
 want to adopt the global culture despite the fact that their parents want them to stay rooted in their own culture.
This
 in turn leads the
children
 to rebel against the rules laid down by their respective
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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.
In addition
 to
this
Add a comma
,this
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 the commercial pressures have a major impact on the minds of today’s
children
. It stresses them out when they cannot compete with their peers in terms of material possessions.
For example
, a child will undoubtedly want a mobile phone
that is
 as good or even better than that of his friend. To sum up, we cannot deny that today’s
children
 are facing more pressures from academic, social and commercial perspectives.
However
, to avoid the same, Parents should have realistic expectations from their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. And most importantly they should spend adequate time with their
children
. The greatest onus is on the schools and teachers. They should not teach to win at all
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. They should in fact make a student learn how to win with modesty and lose with grace. Both parents and schools should learn and allow
children
 to bloom by bringing out their hidden talent. It in turn will make a child grow physically and psychologically.
Submitted by dhanoagagan36 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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