IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
It is argued that being rich does not mean that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 always
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 happy. I totally agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will discuss why wealth is not the only reason for
people
 to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
.
Moreover
, here we will show that there are several ways that could make
life
 happier. Having so much money does not necessarily mean
happiness
. Sometimes it just makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 more difficult because
people
 tend to improve their social
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. There are a lot of examples that rich
people
 do not feel happy with their
life
 even though
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have whatever they want,
such
 as a big house, luxury cars, and branded
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
. One of them is public figures
such
 as celebrities. In Korea,
for instance
, some of the public figures who have a lot of money and property end their
life
 in their peak of
carrier
Add an article
the carrier
show examples
. The main reason why they do
that is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 they find their
life
 very difficult especially when so many haters
bullying
Wrong verb form
bully
show examples
 them. These are the proofs that even if they have so much wealth in their
life
, there are not
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 happy,
thus
 eventually
end
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 their
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 tragically.
On the other hand
,
although
 we do not have prosperity, we still can be happy in our
life
. Being grateful is one of the keys
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
happiness
. We are blessed with whatever we have and fulfil our
life
 with so many good things.
Furthermore
, having lovely friends and family who support our
life
are
Change to the active voice
also become
have also become
show examples
also
 become the reason for us to keep happy. These have been proved by so many
people
 in
this
 world, including myself. I am very pleased with my
life
 because I have a lovely family as well as friends surrounding me. In conclusion, even though having a lot of money
sometime
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 gives positive, it does not always mean we can reach our
happiness
. Having
people
 who
loves
Change the verb form
love
show examples
 us
such
 as our family and friend is the most important key to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 happy in our
life
.
Submitted by andri.saputraozz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: