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Band 4

People today generally have better lives than people in the past did. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives
life
 nowadays is certainly different than in the past.Even though some
people
 will prefer the past,I totally agree that
life
 is much better now especially because of technological advancement and other modern developments .
This
 essay will discuss more on my views.
To begin
 with,To compare living in
this
 modern
time
 and in the past ,
indeed
Rephrase
apply
show examples
 modernization
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 made humans live better.
firstly
,machines developed with technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much of
show examples
 work easy these days.
people
 don't have to suffer doing manual labour in order to survive.
for
Capitalize word
For
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 instance ,in the agricultural industry ,harvesting machines and tractors have eased the work for farmers and saved
time
 unlike before
that
Correct word choice
when
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 farmers
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 all their
time
 on the farm to make the harvest.
Furthermore
 ,the general quality of
life
 has been improved in modern times.
folk
Fix the agreement mistake
Folks
show examples
 have tons of machines at home that help them do
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 activities and save their
time
.
Additionally
,
people
 now have longer
life
 spans
due to
 advancements in the health sector.In the past ,there were so many diseases without a cure and the population frequently
die
Wrong verb form
died
show examples
 from epidemic illnesses but with the improvement in health technology,sick folks can find solutions to their health issues .,
Moreover
 procedures
life
Correct your spelling
like
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 organ transplants and having an artificial organ have saved many
people
,
for instance
,for ,instance individuals with cardiac conducting system problems can have their pacemaker replaced with an artificial one.The same applies to patients with orthopaedic concerns ,there are now available procedures like knee replacement,hip hip replacements and other complex procedures that help to restore physical ability in disabled
people
.
To conclude
,generally lives have improved tremendously in modern times as compared to the past.some
people
 might have enjoyed living
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past times but
certainly
Add a comma
certainly,
show examples
 technology and modern developments have changed lives.
Submitted by veranendang12 on

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position and previews the main points of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are linked logically throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Comfort
  • Social ties
  • Family ties
  • Belonging
  • Resources
  • Opportunities
  • Fear
  • Unknown
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural attachment
  • Language barriers
  • Limited education
  • Skills
What to do next:
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