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Band 5

Some people prefer to provide help and support directly to those in need. Others however prefer to give money to national and international charitable organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #support #money #organisations
There are split opinions regarding
this
 topic. While some segments of society insist that there should
be donate
Change the verb form
be donated
show examples
 directly to those who need some support;
however
, counterparts of the society Reckon that everybody should prefer to provide some amount of
money
 to larger charity, whether it is international or domestic. Though both has
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 pros and cons as per everyone's perspective.
Therefore
, before commenting on my decision, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinions would be discussed. There is no doubt for those
people
 who would like to give
money
 to those in need.
Firstly
, they believe that they can see the impact on those who are helping, which can not only lead
personal
Change preposition
to personal
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 satisfaction
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
respect from others in the community who appreciate the work they do.
For example
, if they give
money
 directly to
people
 in their local village or town, they would see where it has gone. When they donate to larger charitable
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
,
on the other hand
, they are not sure how much will actually be given to those who really need it or else as opposed
going
Change preposition
to going
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 to
on
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apply
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other cost
Change the wording
another cost
other costs
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 like administrative and expensive market
campaign
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campaigns
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. Another benefit is that
Thus
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 prefer to help and support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those in need. While looking through the glasses of another perspective, it is observed that many charitable organizers
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been run by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind. Whatever, who prefer to donate
in
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to
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this
 larger charity, it is
also
choice
Correct article usage
a choice
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 of good cause.
Moreover
. they think
like
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apply
show examples
that there are local places to help
people
 have been limited, but in
larger
Add an article
the larger
a larger
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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organization
Add a comma
,organization
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 they have
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of choices to participate in different activities
such
 as sponsoring a child or conserving wildlife. Not only
this
, donating to larger charities
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an international level, which means that they have knowledge about fundamental global importance
such
 as curing disease and human rights or helping those caught up in environmental disasters
such
 as flooding, earthquakes, and famines. To recapitulate the above points, I believe that
although
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 aim
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 help and support
to
Change preposition
apply
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those who need some
money
 and shelter, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 clearly
further
Add an article
the further
a further
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to donate them by participating in domestic and international charity. What is crucial is that we should continue to give to those who are more in need than ourselves.
Submitted by sejupatel17 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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