IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Museums should display art of their own country, or they should display art from all over the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Museums and art galleries are very crucial for the new generation. Like, it can provide a wider perspective of own culture. It is completely agreed that museums should present the art of their own nation
as well as
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 of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 global village. In
this
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 essay, I will try to draw a conclusion with the help of relevant examples.
Firstly
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, people can able to look for different kinds of sculptures, monuments and paintings.
Above all
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, it represents the heritage culture of ancient folks.
For instance
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, it can boost forceful bonding with different communities.
Furthermore
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, pupils can
know
Verb problem
learn
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 about different
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 without travelling to a foreign land. Likely, it is vital to portray
ancient
Correct article usage
the ancient
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 art of the different regions. It can help particular land to generate revenue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that can be used in renovating museums and
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 the same way
expanding
Punctuation problem
, expanding
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 them.
Secondly
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, a union should ask for permission before displaying other regional arts in the museum.
Also
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,
this
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 exchange will introduce diversity with the region itself
,
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;
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 local people will get to explore the history and culture of another place without going to a particular state.
For example
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, the European king
was
Verb problem
apply
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started to
colonize
Change the spelling
colonise
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 throughout Asia
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they used the opportunity and
took
Wrong verb form
take
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 crucial jewellery and historical documents with them.
Moreover
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, some countries consider their arts as national treasures.
That is
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, in a report recently released by WHO,
London
Correct article usage
the London
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national museum
Fix capitalization
National Museum
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 has 90% of its
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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 originally from other regions. In conclusion, it would be beneficial for the country and their population to know about
different
Correct article usage
the different
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 heritage cultures of other countries.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should create more salons that are easily accessible for everyone
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, they should be
well maintained
Use the right word
well-maintained
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 and
untouchable
Correct word choice
accessible
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.

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structure
Plan your essay first. Write a short intro, then three clear ideas, then a short end.
coherence
Start each paragraph with a clear idea sentence. Use simple link words to show how ideas go with each other.
facts
Give facts you can back up. Avoid weak or wrong facts.
grammar
Check grammar. Watch verbs and phrases like 'can able' and long, wrong phrases.
lexical
Use only common words. Use 'and', 'but', 'also' to join ideas.
conclusion
End with a strong conclusion that restates your view.
content
You take a clear view on the topic.
organization
You try to use examples to explain points.
development
You show a plan and some order of ideas.
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