n some countries, parents expect children to spend a long time studying after school and have less free time. Do you think it has positive or negative effects on children and the society that they live in?

#n #countries #parents #children #time #school #effects #society

It is a contentious topic that

children

should spend more

time

studying on top of the curriculum in their school and have

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of leisure

time

relatively

Rephrase

apply

show examples

in different countries. In my opinion,

children

have many aspects to learn except for academic

study

, and lack of leisure

time

leads to having fewer opportunities to release

stress

and it eventually causes negative influences on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

To begin

with, it is true that studying is important for

people

in the stage of youth.

However

, there are other valuable aspects that

children

should learn other than studying.

For example

, since

children

have multitudinous chances to meet new

people

as they grow up, they need to learn how to build relationships of any kind and interact with

people

. It is hard to learn these from books or lectures. In that sense, focusing on academic fields can

make

Verb problem

prevent

show examples

them discourage to

socialize

Wrong verb form

socialising

show examples

with

people

Therefore

, only focusing on

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

is not beneficial to

children

Furthermore

children

who are forced to

study

by their parents have less

time

to spend with their friends and family. The

children

can have

stress

from the situation.

People

in contemporary

society

are aware that

stress

is a big problem these days as

stress

can bring numerous health issues. Some students end up having depression and committing suicide

due to

the pressure from their parents and

stress

. Balancing

study

and breaks can release

stress

, and

society

has

fewer times

Fix the agreement mistake

less time

show examples

to deal with these problems. All things considered, there are other aspects that

children

cannot learn from academic

study

Additionally

, having more free

time

can reduce

stress

and health issues

coming

Verb problem

apply

show examples

due to

stress

, which helps

society

and

children

strengthen.

Submitted by shoep11 on Tue Jan 04 2022

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Task Response

The essay addresses the question, but the arguments could be developed further to provide a more balanced view. Try to include more specific examples to support your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is clear and the ideas are well-organized. However, the essay lacks a strong and clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. Try to vary your vocabulary choices and use more academic or formal vocabulary where appropriate.

Grammatical Range

Overall, the grammar is accurate, but there are some errors and repetitive structures. Make sure to proofread your essay carefully and try to use a variety of sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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n some countries, parents expect children to spend a long time studying after school and have less free time. Do you think it has positive or negative effects on children and the society that they live in?

Fully explain your ideas

In some places old age is valued,while in other cultures youth is considered more important.Dicuss both view and give your opinion

In some countries, companies allow people to work from home. In others, people are still expected to work in an office. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that government should spend on their money elderly people care. However, other people say that government should focus more education for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your experience.