These days ,a considerable amount of advertising is directed at children. Should it be banned because of the adverse effects ? To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In
this
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day and age ,advertisements have a noticeable brunt on children. And it is often said that they should be prohibited. From my point of
,
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apply
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view, I completely agree with
this
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idea.
Firstly
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,one of the conspicuous reasons for
this
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argument is the shock of advertising on
children
Check wording
children's
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brains.
For example
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,when a child spends a staggering time watching adverts on commercial channels on TV and other gadgets ,it may
create
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cause
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numerous
damage
Fix the agreement mistake
damages
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on
Change preposition
to
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nerve cells
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such
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, such
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as the weakening of the
eye
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eye,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is definitely relevant to the problems of the brain. Having a healthy life is the most significant thing that an offspring should have.
Therefore
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,
this
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makes it clear why the negative influence of advertising is multiple.
Secondly
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,another reason is the detrimental impact on physical
also
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,
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apply
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emotional behaviour.
For instance
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,children who indicate a desire to watch violent commercials may create
numerous
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apply
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anarchy in the school or society
besides
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at home.
This
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could cause a lot of problems on these sites.
Also
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,teachers and parents do not have the capability to monitor these
treates
Correct your spelling
threats
toward a child.
This
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also could
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could also
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cause some
side_effects
Correct your spelling
side effects
on
scion
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scion's
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lives
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such
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, such
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as facing the sack of education centres
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in
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, in
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addition to missing intimate friends and becoming alone.
As a result
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,it becomes apparent
there
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that there
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are many adverse effects behind the enjoyment of watching advertisements. It would seem that
this
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trend should be banned for offspring. To summarise ,I strongly disagree with the idea of spending a lot of time watching adverts on diverse types of gadgets. Because of
having
Wrong verb form
has
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multiple impacts. It is predicted that ,to conduct
this
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activity by scions
the
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, the
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negative impact and trouble of watching commercials will proceed to increase in the near future.

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structure
Make one clear view in the first line and stay on it in all parts.
content
Give accurate facts. Do not say ideas about nerves or eyes as facts if they are not true.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas well.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar to avoid mistakes.
content
Give one clear example for each point to show your idea.
stance
The writer shows a clear view.
structure
There is a closing line that sums up the main point.
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