Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Among many breakthrough inventions, mankind the TV set is the most popular, as it
concise
Correct your spelling
concises
the whole world and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
them to our living rooms. Some might think that
this
product of science is harmful because it destroys our personal time with family and community; in ,fact people prefer to watch television rather
Correct word choice
than communicating
show examples
communicating
Wrong verb form
communicate
show examples
with each other. I simply disagree with
this
line of statement and will explain my views in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, to support my thinking I would like to state that
TV
Correct article usage
a TV
show examples
set is a way of bringing families
close
Replace the word
closer
show examples
to one another
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
breaking them apart.
For instance
, in most families after spending a long day of hectic schedule sit together and spend quality time amidst watching their favourite shows.
This
way people get the opportunity to escape from monotony whilst having peaceful moments with their near and dear ones.
Secondly
, I would like to add that not only the family but television plays its blissful role to even
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
the whole community together in a very amusing way.
For example
, in many societies
such
as in old homes and
also
in
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
they are allowed to watch movies, documentaries, shows and many more which acts as a glue to create a greater bond among them.
Furthermore
, whenever there are any broadcasts regarding any concerning news, sports or any achievements of any member of their respective community people like to gather around and enjoy them. In conclusion, I will reiterate my opinion and will stick to the fact that proper use of television can only offer benefits to all generations of humankind in spite of putting their relationships in jeopardy.
Submitted by mrchy1987 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's position and introduces the main points that will be discussed in the essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's opinion.
task response
Provide specific examples and elaboration to support the main points more comprehensively. Also, ensure that each example directly relates to the main argument.

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