Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Among many breakthrough inventions, mankind the TV set is the most popular, as it
concise
Correct your spelling
concises

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the whole world and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings

It seems that the verb bring does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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them to our living rooms. Some might think that
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

product of science is harmful because it destroys our personal time with family and community; in ,fact people prefer to watch television rather
Correct word choice
than communicating

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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communicating
Wrong verb form
communicate

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb communicating. Consider changing it.

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with each other. I simply disagree with
this
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line of statement and will explain my views in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
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, to support my thinking I would like to state that
TV
Correct article usage
a TV

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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set is a way of bringing families
close
Replace the word
closer

The word close doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to one another
than
Rephrase
rather than

There may be an adverb issue here.

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breaking them apart.
For instance
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, in most families after spending a long day of hectic schedule sit together and spend quality time amidst watching their favourite shows.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

way people get the opportunity to escape from monotony whilst having peaceful moments with their near and dear ones.
Secondly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I would like to add that not only the family but television plays its blissful role to even
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb bring. Consider changing it.

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the whole community together in a very amusing way.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in many societies
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as in old homes and
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in
schools
Add a comma
schools,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in many societies such as in old homes and also in schools. Consider adding a comma.

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they are allowed to watch movies, documentaries, shows and many more which acts as a glue to create a greater bond among them.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, whenever there are any broadcasts regarding any concerning news, sports or any achievements of any member of their respective community people like to gather around and enjoy them. In conclusion, I will reiterate my opinion and will stick to the fact that proper use of television can only offer benefits to all generations of humankind in spite of putting their relationships in jeopardy.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's position and introduces the main points that will be discussed in the essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's opinion.
task response
Provide specific examples and elaboration to support the main points more comprehensively. Also, ensure that each example directly relates to the main argument.
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