IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

All inventions and discoveries like the discovery of fire and electricity have impact on our lives so much so that people can no longer live without them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#inventions #discoveries #discovery #fire #electricity #impact #lives #people
It does seem to
me
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 true that inventions and discoveries play a pivotal role in the
life
 of human
beings
 these days.
As a result
fire
 and
electricity
 has become
inevitable
Add an article
an inevitable
show examples
 part of
people
's
life
. I too completely agree with
this
 opinion and
this
 essay elaborate the same.
To begin
 with,
fire
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
first
 source of energy
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 human
beings
 discovered. In detail, ancient
people
 discovered
fire
 and it is used in different forms and in different machines for several
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
show examples
.
This
 can be well illustrated by an example, all the food items
people
 want, need to be cooked mostly on
fire
.
Besides
,
fire
 is used in
cloder
Correct your spelling
colder
closer
 countries as a source of heat which in turn helps
people
 to make themselves warm.
Hence
,
people
 cannot even imagine a world without
fire
. Another reason in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
electricity
 is it made the
life
 of
people
 more comfortable.
This
 would mean that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 almost all machines in
Add an article
the house
show examples
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
 and
compaines
Correct your spelling
companies
 work with power. So
people
these
Change the determiner
this dyas
show examples
dyas
Correct your spelling
days
 even cannot think of a power failure. A study conducted by the Southern University of Canada reveals that ninety
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of
people
 said that they even cannot imagine a single day without
electricity
. Apart from
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 the whole world is connected with the help of
electricity
. In fact,
people
 are not able to use mobile phones and other gadgets without power.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
electricity
 plays a vital role in the
life
 of human
beings
. To conclude it
evident
Add a missing verb
is evident
show examples
 from the
above
Add a hyphen
above-mentionsed
show examples
mentionsed
Correct your spelling
mentioned
 points that new inventions and discoveries have become an inevitable part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
life
 of human
beings
. In the near
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 it is estimated that the dependency of human
beings
 on machines and new inventions would likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
continue.
Submitted by divyaesa2012 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: