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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular uk school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.

the three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular uk school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
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The given charts provided information concerning the alterations in
yearly
Correct article usage
the yearly
show examples
 costs of a special school in Britain over the course of three years; 1981, 1991, and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, throughout the given period, the most and the least significant sources of expenditure were related to the teachers' salaries and insurance, respectively. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 more or less
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half part of the school budget had been allocated to teachers' salaries over the period recorded.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
insurance
Correct article usage
the insurance
show examples
 part occupied altogether just 13% of the financial budget in three years; constituting 2% in 1981, 3% in 1991, and 8% in 2001. The cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 resources
such
Linking Words
 as books
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
comprised 15% of the spending in the first year faced an upward trend and reached 20% in 1991.
However
Linking Words
, in the
next
Linking Words
 ten
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 the expenses of
this
Linking Words
 sector declined to just under one in ten.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the budget
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 furniture and equipment at first
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reduced to one-
third
Linking Words
 of its previous one (from 15% in 1981 to 5% in 1991) and
then
Linking Words
 rose dramatically to 23% in 2001. Regarding the costs of other workers' salaries, it encountered a fall from 28% in 1981 to just 15% of the expenses in 2001.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • educational expenditure
  • financial management
  • infrastructure investment
  • evolution of costs
  • annual spending
  • strategic funding
  • capital outlay
  • operational costs
  • resource allocation
  • fiscal trends
  • cost analysis
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