IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are harmless fun and can be a tool for education, some believe that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can have negative effects on those who play them. I think they have equal positive and negative impacts on players.
Video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can have disadvantages and bring physical health
problems
Use synonyms
. These types of
games
Use synonyms
 are really attractive and when someone is engaged in them, he may lose track of time.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would spend long hours on these
games
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they gaze on a monitor and sit on a chair.
This
Linking Words
 sedentary lifestyle can damage their health and cause skeletal and eye
problems
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have violent content which are harmful to young
people
Use synonyms
. These contents have negative effects on teenager's behaviour, and launch them to treat at a negative way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can affect positively.
For example
Linking Words
, learning a new language can be difficult for many
people
Use synonyms
. By using
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, they can easily learn a language and even more, in an attractive way.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, considering the fast pace of life in
this
Linking Words
 modern world,
people
Use synonyms
 need the ability to solve
problems
Use synonyms
 quickly.
Video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 provide
this
Linking Words
 chance for them to process challenges quickly and find a better solution. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are harmless and have benefits
such
Linking Words
 as educating
people
Use synonyms
, others believe the new generation of
games
Use synonyms
 have negative effects on players
such
Linking Words
 as physical health
problems
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that by using them correctly, they have equal positive and negative impacts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance the task response, ensure all main points are equally developed with specific examples or evidence. For instance, provide a concrete example of how video games have specifically aided in language learning.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitional phrases are consistently used to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas. For example, using phrases like 'Another important aspect is...' or 'In contrast to this...' can help strengthen the logical structure.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented. However, further strengthening the argument with more specific evidence in the body paragraphs could raise your score.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining readability and flow.
task achievement
You have balanced addressing both the positive and negative impacts of video games, which shows a fair and comprehensive view.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear standpoint, which reinforces the clarity of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • interactive learning
  • gaming addiction
  • academic performance
  • violence desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: