IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
According to some,
people
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
committing
Wrong verb form
commit
show examples
 a
crime
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves have been
jail
Change preposition
in jail
show examples
 and would be a good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 when they
released
Add a missing verb
are released
show examples
.
Besides
, it is a good thing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to educate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers
 about the
dangers
 of
crime
. From my point of view, I agree with
this
 idea and think some
people
 who have been in prison. It is the best
people
 to talk about the
dangers
 of committing
crime
 to
teenagers
 and good models for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 to
seeing
Change the form of the verb
see
show examples
this
 not good for their future. To being with, I strongly agree with
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 been in prison is
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good
roles
Change the noun form
role
show examples
 to talk with young
people
 about the
dangers
 of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
. Due to, they have real experience what they did
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 or bad thing in the past and passed to the penalty by the legal.
In addition
, these are the best
people
 to talk to
teenagers
.
Furthermore
,
teenagers
 will know
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
show examples
 after they choose
committing
Change the verb form
to commit
show examples
 a
crime
.
For example
, the penalty by legal and effect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their future. So,
this
 point may good example and suggestion for
teenagers
 do not
committing
Change the verb form
to commit
show examples
 a
crime
.
Moreover
, wrongdoing must be punished and worth their future. In conclusion, I personally agree with
this
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 because it seems to me that the advantages of
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have been in prison become good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 later. These
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the best
people
 to talk with young
people
 about the
dangers
 of committing
crime
outweigh
Add the particle
to outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Submitted by patty50015 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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