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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
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The given graphs illustrate information about the percentage of households and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 doing housework in a
week
Use synonyms
 in one country between 1920 and 2019. The general overview is that
using
Wrong verb form
the use of
show examples
washing machines , using of refrigerators and using of
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners increased dramatically between 1920
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2019.
By contrast
Linking Words
 , the
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 doing housework in a
week
Use synonyms
 declined suddenly between 1920 to 2019. In 1920, using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the washing machine had the highest electrical appliances at 40%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the refrigerator had the lowest
electrical
Correct quantifier usage
number of electrical
show examples
 appliances approximately 1%.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , the
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 doing housework in a
week
Use synonyms
 was the highest at 50% in the same year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , the percentage of washing machines , refrigerators and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 similar at around 55% in 1940.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners rose sharply from 55% to 100% in 1980. After peaking at 100% the following year,
this
Linking Words
 had leveled out between 1980 to 2019.
Also
Linking Words
 , the washing machines had a fluctuation from 1940 to 2000. It is noticeable that refrigerator and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner was the most popular at 100%
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
2000 to 2019.
In addition
Linking Words
 , the washing machine was the lowest of all of them.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 ,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 the lowest between 2000 and 2019.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, hours, week, vacuum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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