IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What the possible causes of this trend, and what solutions would be effective reducing crime.

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
It tends to be
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 rate of illegal activities among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adolescents in many countries. The causes of
this
 appear to be two areas,
besides
 the number of solutions
also
 appear to be possible. Perhaps the major factor here is lack ok
money
 for teenagers who
fond
Add a missing verb
are fond
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 of
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 outside with friends,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 time for entertainment something. To cite as an example, some parents who gain insufficient
money
 may rarely give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cash
for
Change preposition
to
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 their children, especially, who usually feel ashamed of not having enough
money
.
This
 pattern appears to motivate to commit
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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, an enormous desire to make
money
 with unconscious inner heart. Another cause is the increasing hectic life, and parents because of social stress (traffic congestion, less wage, health problem), high pressure of workload. Turning to
possible
Add an article
a possible
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 solution, the government should implement to provide
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
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 for well-educated students, following some discount. If
Add a hyphen
government-provided
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government
Add an article
the government
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 provided student incentive according to class attendance, activity,
moreover
 grade every term, it would reveal great result for us. A
second
 remedy might be for
such
 laws have to be more tightened.
As a result
 of
this
 kind of activity, people could be more responsible in social starting from
young
Add an article
a young
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 age.
Recent
Add an article
A recent
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 survey revealed that Venezuela, a former high ranked crime in the world, has tightened laws to reduce crime. By way of conclusion, the factors of lack of
money
 and hectic living style appear to be main causes. Parliamentary bodies and law enforcement agencies incorporate to may present
great
Add an article
the great
show examples
 result of
this
 situation.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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