IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations to continue their development. Some people argue that practical aid or advice is more useful. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #countries #organizations #development #aid #advice
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It seems that
a
Correct article usage
the
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 question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
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 financial help from multinational institutes would benefit developing
countries
Use synonyms
 or not is a vigorous debate. While funding relief is undoubtedly
facilitize
Correct your spelling
facilitate
facilities
these country
Change the determiner
this country
these countries
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 in
elimating
Correct your spelling
eliminating
 poverty, I would maintain that other practice help should not be underestimated and play
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 role in supporting them. On the one hand, it is understandable why a handful of international bodies prefer to give financial
subsidize
Correct your spelling
subsidies
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 to undeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
. With
this
Linking Words
 relief, the
countries
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 which are suffering from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
fund
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funds
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 for their nationally
contructive
Correct your spelling
constructive
 activities, would overcome hindrances and stand a chance
in
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of
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 flourishing. Take African
countries
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
. With financial relief,
these country
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this country
these countries
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, which are infamous for
famin
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famine
 and poor education system, can enhance their citizens’ quality of life by building more farewell houses, introducing food
support
Use synonyms
 programs for deprived people.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
this
Linking Words
 money could be used to develop heavy industry or ecotourism with safari, which in turn leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
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sustainable development.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
support
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, enable those
countries
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implement
Add the particle
to implement
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 their revolutionary
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, hands-on help and advice can not be neglected. Due to the severe lack of
well-educated
Correct article usage
a well-educated
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 workforce, financial
support
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 would turn out to be futile if technical
transferation
Correct your spelling
transformation
 and educational exchange are omitted.
In other words
Linking Words
, a better approach may be a
support
Use synonyms
campain
Correct your spelling
campaign
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 combines capital aid and introduction from advisors in the short turn and funding scholarship in the long term.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, other practical aid should be paid more attention
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
Healthcare
Correct article usage
The Healthcare
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system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 and hygienic
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
, which have been stuck in low quality for a long time, are becoming huge problems in today age and merit more consideration. Obviously, financial
support
Use synonyms
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 other kinds of help to work out. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 financial investment from international organizations can help developing
countries
Use synonyms
 shake off their drawback to some extent, I would maintain that other
pratical
Correct your spelling
practical
 help is far more essential.
Submitted by truongt.thunu on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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