Some people believe that not all criminals should be kept in prison, but that some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is debatable whether being behind the bars is the only penalty for all offenders or some of them should be engaged in public services. As the former is burdensome to some extent, I strongly side with the latter. Prisons are not a good place for all wrongdoers, one of which is minor or juvenile criminals. In terms of criminals, by keeping all of them in jails for a long time, some of them may be suffering the bullying from felons who commit dangerous or violent crimes, while the others may be made friends.
As a result
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
of having time to regret, they can be badly impacted by each other.
Hence
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
prisons help remove offenders out of society in a short term, the potential reoffending may increase after they are released from prison in a long run. In terms of the economy, keeping all culprits, w
ho
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
both commit minor crimes and serious crimes, requires a governments’ huge budget, which is from the taxpayers.
As a result
Linking Words
, it leads to i
ncrease
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
t
he
Change preposition
in the
show examples
financial burden t
o
Change preposition
on
show examples
the good residents.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sentences as doing u
ppaid
Correct your spelling
unpaid
prepaid
up paid
works outperform sending them in jails in humanity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, by participating in voluntary works like caring for the old, helping the poor, they have more opportunities not only to learn new skills but
also
Linking Words
develop their empathy towards others.
This
Linking Words
punishment does not only help society a
re
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
safer, but
also
Linking Words
reform offenders by positive impacts.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by doing unpaid work as a punishment, they may not be removed out of the world, so it is easier for them to r
ehabilitative
Add a missing verb
be rehabilitative
show examples
when they are released. In conclusion, while serious criminals should be punishable by prison, t
he m
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inor
Fix the agreement mistake
minors
show examples
o
ne s
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hould be allowed to do community services as sentences.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • incarceration
  • non-violent crimes
  • overcrowding
  • reoffending rates
  • judicial discretion
  • alternative punishments
  • public funds
  • community service
  • petty theft
  • vandalism
  • punitive measures
  • social reintegration
  • deterrence
  • minor offenses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: