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Band 5

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns?

#cities #people #governments #towns
Prefer to live in highly developed
cities
 cause many problems for
people
. Because It is very much tough to afford all the
expenses
 for many
people
. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should lower some of the
expenses
 and provide more opportunities to
people
instead
 of encouraging them to more in smaller
cities
. Nowadays, the living costs and other
expenses
 are getting higher
on
Change preposition
apply
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each day due to the period of globalisation.
Specially
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Especially
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 for those
people
 who do not own their house as they need to pay higher rent as well to live in the big
cities
such
 as Mumbai, Ahemdabad, Bangalore, etc. Apart from that, they
also
 need to cover their personal and family's
expenses
 from their monthly salary which is quite tough for salaried
people
.
Moreover
, In
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
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, fees are
also
 increasing
in
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apply
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every year which is
also
the
Correct article usage
a
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 major concern for all
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 families because they
also
 need to provide better education to their children.
Government
 should set some rules related to rents and
also
 lower some
possibily
Correct your spelling
possibly
possible
expenses
such
 as fuels, rents, groceries, stationery, etc rather than encouraging
people
 to move to undeveloped
cities
 because it is
people
's individual choice where to live and where they can get more opportunities because living in small
cities
 lower the opportunities in any sector. Apart from that,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide more employment growth and set certain rules in increasing salary so that
people
 can survive and afford to live in highly developed
cities
. To summarise, living
expenses
 are getting increased in highly developed
cities
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 which is unmanaged for most
people
.
However
,
government
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 take certain actions in some of the fields so that
people
 can survive in
this
 period of globalisation.
Submitted by goswamimanisha403 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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