IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns?

#cities #people #governments #towns
Prefer to live in highly developed
cities
 cause many problems for
people
. Because It is very much tough to afford all the
expenses
 for many
people
. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should lower some of the
expenses
 and provide more opportunities to
people
instead
 of encouraging them to more in smaller
cities
. Nowadays, the living costs and other
expenses
 are getting higher
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each day due to the period of globalisation.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
 for those
people
 who do not own their house as they need to pay higher rent as well to live in the big
cities
such
 as Mumbai, Ahemdabad, Bangalore, etc. Apart from that, they
also
 need to cover their personal and family's
expenses
 from their monthly salary which is quite tough for salaried
people
.
Moreover
, In
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
, fees are
also
 increasing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year which is
also
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major concern for all
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 families because they
also
 need to provide better education to their children.
Government
 should set some rules related to rents and
also
 lower some
possibily
Correct your spelling
possibly
possible
expenses
such
 as fuels, rents, groceries, stationery, etc rather than encouraging
people
 to move to undeveloped
cities
 because it is
people
's individual choice where to live and where they can get more opportunities because living in small
cities
 lower the opportunities in any sector. Apart from that,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide more employment growth and set certain rules in increasing salary so that
people
 can survive and afford to live in highly developed
cities
. To summarise, living
expenses
 are getting increased in highly developed
cities
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 which is unmanaged for most
people
.
However
,
government
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 take certain actions in some of the fields so that
people
 can survive in
this
 period of globalisation.
Submitted by goswamimanisha403 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: