Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, technological devices
such
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as surveillance cameras or mobile phones are being utilized to monitor public
activities
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whether
people
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are aware of that or not.
While
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there are some pros to
this
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type of investigation, I do believe that its drawbacks are more. On one hand, the usage of new technologies
put
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puts
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a number of innocent
people
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under investigation.
This
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is the most negative consequence of modern life which
put
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puts
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innocent
people
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on
watch-lists
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watch lists
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. By increasing the amount of coverage, governments restrict the rights of those who don’t deserve security interventions.
In addition
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, a huge amount of expenses has been allocated for
governments
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government
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surveillance. Considering the high-tech equipment, labour cost, and time for collecting and analyzing data, several million dollars that
comes
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come
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from taxpayers’ pockets have been spent on these types of
activities
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.
While
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this
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money can be used for improving public infrastructure, they are used in the name of defence.
On the other hand
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, monitoring
people
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keep
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keeps
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them safe. The goal of tracking public
activities
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is to discover criminal
activities
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. Using intelligence resources to monitor communications
allow
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allows
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governments to detect any association with international terrorism.
For instance
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, in 2021, the police of France
have
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apply
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detected terrorism planning in Paris by observing a group of suspicious and
fortunately
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fortunately,
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they neutralized the attack before it took place.
Moreover
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,
this
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activity can provide accurate evidence of events. These technological devices can be installed in all places, including stoplights, telephone poles, ceilings of homes and public places and
therefore
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they can record and analyze a huge amount of data.
However
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, we should not forget that these recordings intervene in private lives.
To conclude
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, I admit that
although
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there are a number of advantages to being monitored without awareness,
yet
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apply
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it has more negative consequences.
Submitted by Parastoo on

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task response
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more developed. Ensure that you clearly address the prompt and provide a balanced argument for both advantages and disadvantages of technological monitoring.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks clear paragraph structure and logical flow of ideas. Make sure to use connecting words and phrases to link your ideas together coherently and improve the overall organization of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
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