IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

some people believe travelling in cars is good in cities while othes argue bicycles are good while travelling in cities. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #cars #cities #othes #bicycles
Nowadays, travelling has been increasing at an alarming rate. On the
one
 hand, people argue automobiles can be considered as the preferred method of transportation in urban cities
while
on the other hand
, they think bicycles are more preferable. In my opinion, I firmly believe automobile serves better
due to
 its safety and convenience.
Firstly
, with the advancement in technology and newly-added features
cars
 provide safety where individuals can travel in a more comfortable and peaceful atmosphere.
In addition
 to it,
due to
 its convience people can choose to travel wherever they want irrespective of bad weather.
For instance
,
due to
 the harsh weather conditions in some countries, people can travel in
cars
 which makes their commute easier and when travelling to a longer distance in
cars
 helps in taking breaks in between their trips like having a nap inside car or listening to
one
's favourite songs. Contrary to
this
, bicycles are useful in terms of physical wellbeing and no pollution.
Furthermore
, engaging in physical activities helps to improve
one
's
overall
 mental and emotional well-being too. Apart from that, travelling on bike brings zero emissions of gases.
However
, bikes can not be used
according to
one
's convenience at all times as it has limitations when it comes to speed, comfortable and convenience. In conclusion, both modes of transportation have their own merits and demerits but I believe
cars
 outweigh their benefits more in terms of bikes because it not only provides safety to individuals but
also
 make
one
's life more convenient.
Submitted by chirayilathirasunny on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to the essay question. Avoid adding general statements that do not contribute to the argument directly.
task achievement
While your response is mostly clear, try to include more specific examples and comprehensive ideas to strengthen your argument. Rather than stating general facts, support your points with relevant data or anecdotes.
task achievement
You need to work on presenting balanced views with equal emphasis. Some parts of your essay seem to lean more heavily towards one side of the argument. To improve your task response, ensure both viewpoints are given equal consideration.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a good introductory paragraph that outlines the main argument and mentions both viewpoints, giving a clear direction to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your writing effectively communicates your opinion and provides a clear stance on the topic, which positively affects the coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion nicely summarizes the key points discussed in the essay and reiterates your opinion, providing a coherent ending.
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