IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should learn how to compete but others think that children should be taught to cooperate to to become more useful adults. Express some reasons for both the views and give your own opinion.

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The world is becoming competitive day by day for many years.Some people say that children should be competitive while others ask them to cooperate to become worthy of
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.I would like to say that none of these arguments is going to make them suit
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
First
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 and foremost,teenagers should have competitive nature for their future accomplishments and the long journey of life.As an example when a child
apply
Change the verb form
applies

The plural verb apply does not appear to agree with the singular subject a child. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 for an examination between another 5 students he needs to put in his effort more than ever.
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 how he can achieve perfection from his education and the object that he wants to get.So not for the sake of
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 he needs to be competitive for his own sake.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 and most importantly it is community opinion that a child needs to be friendly with others to be a better person.He needs to have good manners like respecting,sharing and obeying as a well educated one.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,he must listen to his elders ,while he can build up his best personality by himself.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,Those matters are reliable when the teenager is able to proceed with
abound
Change the verb form
abounding

The verb abound may be in the wrong form after the preposition with. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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 ideas for his advantage.Not for community In my,opinion
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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believe that a learner will always learn through the people of
community
Add an article
the community

The noun phrase community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.The best lesson is to teach him the behaviour of his elders.If they behave without any lack child will mend his ways as a great person by his own.He will be a better man once he becomes a member of
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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