In some countries, celebrities complain about the way the media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

These days, the

media

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intrusion

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into

show examples

celebrities’

privacy

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is becoming more popular in some parts of the world. It is argued by some that famous

people

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have to embrace

this

Linking Words

trend as a price for their fame.

However

Linking Words

, in my opinion, I totally disagree with

this

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view on account of some reasons below. There are many reasons why I strongly believe that it is unjustifiable for the private

lives

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of well-known

people

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to be widely

publicized

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publicised

show examples

through

means

Correct article usage

the means

show examples

of mass

media

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. First of all, the

privacy

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of personal information should be respected as a human right

regardless

Punctuation problem

, regardless

show examples

of who they are. Celebrities are

also

Linking Words

humans, and they should have their own life or their own freedom.

Secondly

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, when the private

lives

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of influential

people

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appear on social

media

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this

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can

somehow

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apply

show examples

cause some controversy among some groups of

people

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. In fact, some anti-fans or uncivil

people

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can unconsciously post some negative comments

which

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, which

show examples

make loyal fans become angry.

This

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would be worse if those

people

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have

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

heated debates and intentional

insulation

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isolation

show examples

, which leads to utter chaos in society to some extent. Some

people

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hold

Correct article usage

the

show examples

argument that the loss of

privacy

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is an unavoidable part of becoming a famous celebrity.

This

Linking Words

is because human beings are undoubtedly a curious species, and headlines about well-known stars’ private

lives

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can catch the attention of many viewers, making the publicity of celebrities

become

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apply

show examples

greater at the same time. Having said that, I still argue that the personal

lives

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of famous

people

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should not be published in the

media

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due to

Linking Words

tremendous

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the tremendous

show examples

negative effects on their mental health. To be more specific, being

famous

Correct article usage

a famous

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stars

Fix the agreement mistake

star

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can be pressured and stressful since they always have to worry about others’ opinions or be careful in every action when the paparazzi can follow them at any time.

For instance

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, many K-pop stars cannot put up with criticism

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from

show examples

Internet users when their private

lives

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are reported on articles, leading them to depression or even suicide. In conclusion, because of the aforementioned reasons in terms of human rights and detrimental effects on celebrities’ mental well-being

in particular

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and society in general, I disagree with the view that famous

people

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should accept

privacy

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invasion as a part of their reputation.

tungpns1811

Jan 8, 2022

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improvement

State your main view clearly in the intro and restate it in the conclusion. Add 2 clear reasons with simple, real examples.

structure

Make one idea per paragraph and use a short, clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.

language

Fix odd phrases and grammar, like 'intentional insulation' and awkward word order.

argument

Add a short counter-argument and then refute it to show you see both sides.

coherence

Use linking words to show flow (first, also, however, finally) and keep sentences straight.

style

strength

Clear stance against privacy invasion

strength

Good link between privacy and mental health

strength

Reasoned tone and structure with an intro, body, and conclusion

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

371 words

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In some countries, celebrities complain about the way the media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

In some counties younger people are increasingly losing interest in teaching. Why is this happening? What can be done to improve the situation? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

Some people believe that only talented children can become successful musicians or athletes. However, others believe that children can be taught to succeed in music or sports. Discuss both views.

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?(KN)

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?

Some people argue that because the internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, school should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationship with other people.