IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Due to development and rapid expansion supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #businesses #people #closure #business #death #communities
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There is currently a contentious argument over whether
increasing
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the increasing
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 rate of developing large
businesses
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 disappears local cultures
as a result
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 of destroying the small local
businesses
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. I totally agree with
this
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 opinion due to a vast range of reasons which some of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will be addressed in
this
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 essay. The main reason why I believe
this
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 idea is because in most cases, large companies which are managed as international
businesses
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, usually try to maximise their profits without paying attention to local culture and
ettiquets
Correct your spelling
etiquettes
etiquette
.
Consequently
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, they do not support cultural events and customs contrary to local
businesses
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 and it is supposed to have negative impacts on the community. One good illustration for
this
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 is one of the most famous villages in my country named ‘Masuleh’ where had been existed with
it’s
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its
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 pure culture for thousands of years, whereas, it has changed into a modern village since setting up modern
businesses
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 there. Another reason why I strongly advocate
this
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 notion is based on the fact that
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 vitally depends on the native people. As the local
businesses
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 bankrupt, more populace
leave
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leaves
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 the area to seek
new
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a new
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 vocation in other places.
In other words
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, native people have to leave their community,
although
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 they are dissatisfied
about
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with
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 it. A particularly good example here is the same village I mentioned before. Many native people have abandoned their works in Masuleh and
immigrate
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immigrated
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 that
it
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which
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 can be counted as a negative influence on the cultural situation. In conclusion, as it is a common belief that large companies ruine the local communities, I completely agree with
this
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 idea because it affects the populace’s works and cultures. Given
this
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 situation, it seems that giving some supports to local
businesses
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 by governments will be helpful.
Submitted by elnazkarimi1386 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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