IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be mad more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #shoud #people
Nowadays ,the food and drink which are produced by the manufacture ,have a huge volume of
sugar
 .It might cause many problems for the human body .It is said that if producers increase the cost of high
sugar
products
 people will encourage to consume fewer
sugar
 goods. It seems to me that sugary
products
 will make people ill certainly .
To begin
 with ,eating high levels of sugary foods and drinks are not good for our health and it causes worse issues for the body .For ,instance the increasing level of
sugar
 in the blood which is called diabetes or consuming too much chocolate can be a cavity in our teeth .
Moreover
 ,some communities think if the cost of
products
 are contained high-level
sugar
 increased others will not buy sugary goods . It seems to me that it can be applied to a number of people not all of them .To elaborate more ,if someone does not care about cost they will buy it again but the unfortunate afford a few loads of bread per day ;what would they eat if the governors rose bread price ? It is true to say that ,there are a lot of things which necessary for our body like pasta or bread which contained carbohydrate .
Additionally
 , we have a huge number of the poor in our region who is not able to purchase nutrients for themselves .Despite
this
 ,I still believed that using too many sugary things can make us sick . To sum up ,as I mentioned in the essay , I think the
products
 which have a large volume of
sugar
 cause some health crises like cavities and diabetes .I agree with the suggestion of increasing sugary goods.
Submitted by saramivehchin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: