IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that humanitarian subjects such as philosophy, history, and literature that people study in universities have no value for their future career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.

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It is believed by some populaces that learning about theory, past events, and languages is not able to bring any benefits to educational institutions
students
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.
However
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, in my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
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 argument. The major reason is
students
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 will lose an opportunity to improve themselves in the right way. Since
,
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 learning about history is an essential tool to understand what we
had
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have
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 done in the past so that
one
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we
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could
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can
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 do it right in the present.
For example
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, if one politician is trying to come up with attractive policies to promote his party
,
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 if he educates himself on how his community had been managed in the past, he would come up with better ideas.
Therefore
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, humanities couldn't run over the same place, we are all created to develop ourselves, and
the
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knowledge would help us.
Furthermore
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, the
subjects
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is being
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are
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 part of cultures. To be more specific, humans could live in a community because they have an image of how countries look
like
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through histories, languages, and ideologies.
Therefore
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, if we let universities stop teaching about those knowledge
students
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 might lose the ability to comprehend how to live in a society.
This
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 will be a vital reason why they should keep
this
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 subject in universities.
Moreover
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, values should be decided by
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students
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the students
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 themselves. Education should be something
that is
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 selected by learners
not
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, not
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 observers.
Although
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 the
subjects
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 could deliver less valuable knowledge for academic
students
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, it is their choice. Learners will earn the most benefits when they acknowledge things they are fond of. At
last
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,
students
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 might derive a large of money after graduation because they distribute new theories that could persuade people. In conclusion,
the
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humanitarian
subjects
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 have many advantages and society shouldn't cut off the
subjects
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 by themselves
,
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 since they should consider
to
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the learners as well.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument clearly. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your examples are fully developed to strengthen your points further.
general
Some sentences have grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, which can be improved for better clarity. For instance, rephrase 'humanities couldn't run over the same place' to something more coherent like 'humanities prevent us from making the same mistakes'.
vocabulary
Work on diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. For example, instead of repeatedly using phrases like ‘students might lose,’ consider using alternatives like ‘students could miss out on’ or ‘students may be deprived of’.
task response
Your essay clearly disagrees with the argument stated in the prompt and provides reasons to support your viewpoint. This effectively addresses the task requirement.
task response
You did a good job of outlining the importance of humanities subjects such as history in both personal and societal contexts, which supports your argument well.
coherence cohesion
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument and make your essay easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • human nature
  • crucial in fields
  • cross-cultural competence
  • communication skills
  • superior writing and speaking abilities
  • cultural consultancy
  • historical knowledge
  • cultural awareness
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