IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that because we can now watch films on our phones, there is no reason to go to the cinema. Others say that films should be seen in a cinema to be thoroughly enjoyed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is a fact that famous athletes can gain higher pay than other fields of
people
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 argue it
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is correct
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 others think it is incredibly unjustified. I believe that it is unfair
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other crucial professions of
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, those who believe that famous game players deserve a considerable
rate
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amount
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 of money because they represent the country
of
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apply
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all over the world and make proud of all the
people
Use synonyms
 of nations and create a world record
of
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for
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 the country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can follow the proper diet and spend more
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 for all of
this
Linking Words
. So, it is fair to earn
tremendous
Replace the word
tremendously
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 more than other fields
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
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. On the other side,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
people
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 think it is thoroughly wrong with
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 stream
people
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.
Firstly
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, other crucial field workers spend more
time
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 than sportspersons.
For instance
Linking Words
, scientists can
be innovated
Wrong verb form
innovate
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 formulas, medicine,
new
Correct word choice
and new
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 technology. For all of
this
Linking Words
, they could be spending more
time
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 in their life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sometimes, military employees lose their
lives
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 for the country and its
people
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, but they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be famous or gain a high salary. It is unfair to other field employees because they
also
Linking Words
 do hard work and give society and the nation
time
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.
For example
Linking Words
, doctors risk saving other
persons'
Check wording
people's
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lives
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 because
people
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’s
lives
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 and
lives
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 are more crucial.
Thus
Linking Words
, others should deserve a higher salary.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that successful sportspersons
can
Verb problem
apply
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deserve more money than other professionals. It is fair for them,
while
Linking Words
 others think it is unjustified to other professionals. I feel that it is unfair
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 successful professionals.

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grammar
Fix many grammar mistakes. Use simple words and short clear sentences.
structure
Plan your essay. Put one idea in each paragraph. Begin with a short view, then give a reason, then finish with a short line.
argument
Give full reasons for each side and give clear, easy examples. Explain why each example makes your point.
coherence
Use linking words to keep ideas smooth. Connect your ideas in a clear flow from paragraph to paragraph.
structure
The writer shows a view and adds a clear ending.
content
Two sides are shown and one side is given.
content
There are real jobs named (doctors, scientists) to support points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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