IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Since traveling abroad has become relatively inexpensive more countries are opening their doors for foreign tourists. Is it a positive or negative trend? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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It is true that the cost of travelling
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
cheaper than the recent years ;
as a result
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 , the tourism industry is increasingly growing worldwide . Some people claim that
this
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 is a positive tendency ,
while
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 others argue that there are
multiples
Fix the agreement mistake
multiple
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 adverse consequences of
this
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 trend that should be not ignored . On the one hand , there are several benefits of the growth of the tourism industry to the nation and the citizens .
Firstly
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 , touristry remains an important source of revenue for the countryside because tourists who come to
this
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 country spend an enormous sum of money
in
Change preposition
on
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 hotels or restaurants and
then
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 the nation benefits from
this
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 money which can be reinvested for the development of some sectors
such
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 as infrastructure , education , funding etc .
Secondly
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 , the growth of the touristry industry allows the majority of a country's population to be employed .
For example
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 , many of persons work in hotels , restaurants , tour companies and car rental agencies .
On the other hand
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 ,the growth of
this
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 business
also
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 brings some negative effects to the country. As more visitors are coming to the countryside, more tourist attraction places are
then
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 built. Many of these places are made in nature conservation areas,
whereas
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 some wild animals would lose their natural habitat and bring negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 to the ecosystem as well.
In addition
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 , some visitors
also
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 bring negative behaviours that affect the local culture.
For instance
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 , smoking and drinking alcohol .
Consequently
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 , endangering culture,
tradition
Correct word choice
and tradition
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 could be done from the excessive presence of foreign tourists and that could be a detrimental fact. In conclusion, despite that tourism brings several benefits to the nation , it would be not ignored that it has multiple negative consequences
such
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 as pollution and the endangering of the local culture.

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task achievement
Try to avoid minor grammatical mistakes, such as misusing semicolons or incorrect verb tenses. For example, 'travelling becomes' should be 'travelling has become.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points better. For instance, name a country that has benefited significantly from tourism or a specific natural area adversely affected by tourism.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transition between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, use transition phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'On the contrary.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea, and that ideas are clearly linked to the main argument. Avoid jumping between different points too quickly.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both positive and negative aspects of increased tourism, providing a balanced view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear overview of what the essay will discuss and summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, making it easier to follow the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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