IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE ARGUE THAT IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO HAVE AN ENJOYABLE JOB THAN TO EARN A LOT OF MONEY. OTHERS DISAGREE AND THINK THAT A GOOD SALARY LEADS TO A BETTER LIFE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION

#people #job #money #salary #life
The carrier options have become a significant aspect of human lives because every person
life
 is depending on their
work
 nature and earnings.
Thus
, a majority of people argue that doing an interesting job is more crucial while others believe that high income is more beneficial for
smooth
Add an article
the smooth
show examples
 running of
life
. But ,I opine that having a
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfying
show examples
work
 is more important to raise the standard of livelihood.
To begin
 with, it is true that money leads to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of
life
 in numerous ways. The
first
 and foremost advantage is, a bundle of bucks can help a person to fulfil his dreams of
lavish
Add an article
a lavish
show examples
life
.
For instance
, an individual can buy branded clothes, plan holidays and do
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of high-profile activities. According to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research it is found that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the well
show examples
well earned
Add a hyphen
well-earned
show examples
 class people believes that all these activities leads to
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
 and
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
life
.
Moreover
, it is
also
 seen that employees deem that working hours can be hectic,
however
, it will lead to a
life
 where they can get quality time to spend with family along with kith and kin.
On the other hand
,
although
 money can be
prime
Add an article
a prime
show examples
 factor to get happiness
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
many a times
Correct the article-noun agreement
many times
many a time
show examples
 it may not be enough to sustain and survive. Predominantly, a worker having a fascinating job is blessed with
fun
Add an article
a fun
show examples
 and enjoyable mood at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Thus
, we might have to compromise in terms of
package
Add an article
the package
a package
show examples
 but job satisfaction should be must which will enhance the productivity of the employee
also
.
Consequently
, with the help of good results a person can avail the high incentives and
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
.
Furthermore
, health experts
also
 suggest that for an employee a sound working environment should always be a priority in comparison to higher wages as to stay away from
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 health problems
such
 as depression and anxiety. In conclusion, I personally suggest that even though
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary can help to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
, it cannot fully lead to happiness. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a worker
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 most of the time of day at
work
 so it is more crucial to have
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 working atmosphere.
Submitted by mailtoritika.chandwani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: