IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Arguably, it is commented that the unique and effective measure to shrink traffic congestion these days in cities is the diminishing of individuals' necessities in
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
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,
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, schooling or purchasing items in bazaars or
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
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. Personally, I strongly disagree with the view since the ruling power should enhance public facilities.
Although
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 shortfall of financial resources hinders willpower.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, local authorities should build more public expressways.
In other words
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, more alternative streets are needed to respond to today's demand. 70% of narrow roads existing today in
Brasil
Correct your spelling
Brazil
 were made 50 years ago, it is pointed out by the recent investigation done by the local press
for instance
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.
As a result
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, the number of cars has soared causing traffic congestion.
Moreover
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, it is the prime reason for
vehicles
Change the noun form
vehicle
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 accidents in many nations throughout the earth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the shortfall of finances hampers
roads
Change the noun form
road
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 renovation. Because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of budget, the local ruling power does not extend the number of ways to
suffice
Verb problem
satisfy
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 the demand.
For example
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,
last
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 year Florida University's investigation showcased that approximately four-fifths of the
Africa
Replace the word
African
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 government does not have money for
streets
Change the noun form
street
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 maintenance.
Hence
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, the overwhelming majority of the local roads are arterials and bumpy resulting in a plethora of street issues. In conclusion, notwithstanding money issues being the overriding reason for
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of progress in a myriad of regions, the local cabinets should escalate public expressways and autobahns to tackle the problem.
Therefore
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, I still strongly disagree with the view.

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task response
To improve task response, make sure to clearly express your opinion on whether you agree or disagree with the given statement and provide a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use transition words to link ideas between paragraphs and ensure a logical flow of information throughout the essay.
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