Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree.

The quality of education in school has increased over the years. The debate is going on for a long on who is more responsible for the fitness of
children
,
schools
or
parents
. In
this
essay, I am going to discuss how obesity is affecting us, how
parents
and
schools
both are responsible for the physical
exercise
of
children
and
also
why I disagree with
schools
not wasting their valuable time having
sports
lessons. Over the years, obesity has increased quite a lot. With all that food chains and ready to eat packets, we are moving towards more and more diseases in our bodies. Diabetes and other sugar-related problems are on the rise. Once a wise man said, "Your true wealth is your health". It really resonates with me. Is our health worth sacrificing for education? Both
parents
and
schools
are responsible for the physical and mental health of the upcoming generation. The newer generation of
children
lacks awareness about the advantages of a fit body and regular
exercise
. To make
children
aware of the benefits of
physical
Add an article
the physical
a physical

The noun phrase physical lesson seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons

It seems that lesson may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, I believe
schools
should have at least 2 classes each week where students must perform an
exercise
for an hour or play some sport. In Asia, it is common for the
parents
to ask the
children
to study for long hours
instead
of out playing or hanging out with their friends. So sometimes
parents
neglect the physical
exercise
of the
children
because of studies. That's where
schools
come into play.
Also
if
children
are active physically and play some
sports
, it increases their brain function and hand-eye coordination. Apart from that, they
also
learn sportsmanship. Physical
exercise
has both mental and physical benefits. To summarise, If
sports
are restricted from the
parents
,
children
looks forward to coming to school and enjoying physical
exercise
.
Children
already have so much on their plate regarding studies, by adding some
sports
class or letting our
children
play in the fresh air, we make sure our
children
are not stressed.
Submitted by kashyappatel.280598 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: