IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Successful sports professionals can earn much more than those in other important professions, like nurses, doctors, and teachers. Some people think it is fully justified, while others believe it is unfair. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sports #professionals #professions #nurses #doctors #teachers #people
There is no denying the fact that many
sports
 players earn more than other important jobs.
While
 some people believe it is fully justified, and others believe it is unfair.
This
 essay will explain and illustrate both points of view. On the one hand, nowadays
sports
 professionals have one of the highest-income jobs.
Moreover
, it does not require any education level.
For instance
, a lot of players did not complete their education since it is not required of them.
Moreover
, spending money on
sports
 professionals should be reduced and eliminated.
For example
,
this
 year a basketball player has a contract and offer from another club with an estimated amount above 50 million dollars for 3 years, and
this
 is for sure a huge spending of money even if the player is professional.
On the other hand
, nations can not be built without the hands and help of doctors, teachers and other important jobs. Those positions are very sensitive and they should be paid well. It is
also
 possible to say that many other employees are not satisfied with their salaries and their increments.
Moreover
, each country should encourage these workers by giving them a 10% salary increment for the next 5 years.
For instance
, the French government decided
this
 year to give any employee a fixed amount increment in their salary and
this
 thing makes all the workers happy. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
sports
 players earn more than other important employees which I disagree with.
Submitted by altammar12 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you develop your main ideas more comprehensively. Some arguments are mentioned without full elaboration, impacting the depth of your response.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific, relevant examples that clearly demonstrate your points. While a few examples were included, they could be more effectively tied to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs. Linking phrases can help improve the transition from one point to another, providing a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Avoid relying too heavily on listing points. Try to weave your arguments into the narrative to make the essay more engaging and persuasive.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction succinctly sets up the topic and indicates the structure of your essay, which is clear and direct.
introduction conclusion
You conclude your essay by providing a direct personal opinion, which is a clear and effective way to reinforce your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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