IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #computer #effects #children
This
 is a world of technology. With technology comes lots of dangers and disadvantages. When we say technology, the
first
 thing that strikes everyone's mind is
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
, which has almost become a family member in every family. It mainly attracts
children
 because of quite many reasons which is a curse for them. I support
this
 by
elobarting
Correct your spelling
elaborating
 using examples in the
next
 paragraphs. These days we can see a house without many basic things but definitely not without
computer
Add an article
a computer
show examples
. It may be because of
parents
 wanting their
children
 to get familiar with it as early as possible or
children
 forcing their
parents
 for playing video
games
,
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 movies etc. Whatever may be the reason,
computers
 are the culprits that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased distance between
parents
 and
children
 or
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
parents
 and kids or between friends or between many other relations by keeping
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 busy. We used to see
children
 crying for their
parents
 to take them to
park
Correct article usage
the park
show examples
 for playing or asking their
parents
 for permission to play with their friends outside. But these days it has completely reversed. Even though
parents
 beg their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 to play outside or ask them to come to
park
Add an article
the park
show examples
 with them, they won't go, which is due to attracting video
games
 on
computers
. Computer video
games
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 completely replaced outdoor
games
 of
children
 which indeed has decreased the physical strength and immunity power of
children
. Not only that
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
it
also
 affects
children
's eyes with its
refelction
Correct your spelling
reflection
 of blue light. If we go
any where
Join the words
anywhere
show examples
 we see people always carrying their laptops with them. Whether it may be a social gathering, family party, birthday, death day or a
marraige
Correct your spelling
marriage
, people never visit without laptops or mobile phones.
This
 reduces the
face
 to
face
communication
 between people which increases the gap.
This
 is one of the main reasons why present
children
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 know much about
about
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
their relatives and friends. To
conlcude
Correct your spelling
conclude
,
computers
 affect
children
 physically. It
also
 affects mentally by making
children
 shy to communicate with others
face
 to
face
 as it replaces direct
communication
 with indirect
communication
 by providing online platforms for
communication
. So, allow
children
 to use
computers
 only when required to nourish them physically and mentally healthy.
Submitted by ksaicharani95 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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