IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A lot of old people are suffering from loneliness these days. They also lack physical fitness. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

#people #loneliness #lack #fitness
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, numerous elderly face serious trouble in their
lives
Use synonyms
, like loneliness and physical illnesses, because of getting their children married or immigrating to other countries and having physical diseases due to the sedentary lifestyle.
Although
Linking Words
 they suffer from both issues, they do not make an effort to solve them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the elderly become alone because they cannot make a relationship with strangers and have numerous diseases because of the lack of exercise in their
lives
Use synonyms
. When the elderly become retired and stay at home, they do not attempt to make a new lifestyle or work out.
As a result
Linking Words
, after years, they have several illnesses and become alone. All these problems lead to severe problems for the rest of their
lives
Use synonyms
.
Next
Linking Words
, to find a solution to solve these problems, they should take an action.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the elderly can join new sports classes, these kinds of course not only are beneficial for physical illnesses, but
also
Linking Words
 it is suitable for their relationship with others.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are several swimming pools in the cities, and these kinds of exercise are useful for the elderly.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the elderly can keep in touch with their relatives when their children are not in their cities or when they get married and do not have enough time to spend time with their parents. The elderly should accept new people in their
lives
Use synonyms
 when they can not access their children. In conclusion, the elderly should try to find a new way of life to have a healthy body and relationships with others.
Submitted by royahabibiazad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: