In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays,it is generally claimed that our dear planet, earth,is no longer a suitable place to live.

Therefore

,a common belief is that authorities should allocate a huge amount of money to space studies.Personally,I hold the opposite view and I entirely disagree with

this

perspective.In the upcoming paragraphs,I will explain my point of view.

First

of all,it is absolutely true that environmental degradation is happening at a rapid speed,

such

as global warming.

However

, governments can fix

this

major threat by allowing

bigger

Correct article usage

a bigger

show examples

budget on the existing problems that we are facing on the earth.

For instance

, administrations can overcome

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

global warming by improving local transport systems.To exemplify,a recent study conducted in Canada declared that the emission of carbon dioxide which is produced by South Korea eliminated

Change preposition

show examples

a considerable level due to renovation of their transportation.

Secondly

,powers from different regions of the world can control environmental issues by education,as a consequence, they should put more funding on raising

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

awareness among citizens.To cue evidence, educational institutions should train young races in a way that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will be beneficial for both their motherlands and the globe.

For example

, recently,in

Japan

Add a comma

,Japan

show examples

students learn how to use renewable energies rather than fossil fuels.To sum up, development in researching of our own planet can help us to prevail over those obstacles. To draw a conclusion, undoubtedly,men are continuously harming their living planet by their behaviours.

Altough

Correct your spelling

Although

,in my opinion, rather than spending more money on space exploration,we should come forward to employ funds on mitigating the existing drawbacks in the environment.

Thus

, saving the entire population of all creatures.

Submitted by ghafooriarya on Sat Jan 15 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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