IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to directly help or support people who need it in the local community, however, others prefer to give money to national or international charities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that many
people
Use synonyms
 provide help to their local
people
Use synonyms
 as they prefer keeping
charities
Use synonyms
 locally as a duty towards their community, while others prefer sending these
charities
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas to assist
people
Use synonyms
 globally. I believe that giving
money
Use synonyms
 to international
charities
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial to those
people
Use synonyms
 who live there as it makes the whole globe financially stable.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
people
Use synonyms
 who like sending these alms to their locals believe that their community deserves
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 more than others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they state that the whole wealthy
people
Use synonyms
 in the society should look after who needs support.
For example
Linking Words
, they might know who is in low income and provide support to them.
Hence
Linking Words
, it will make the locals live better and strengthen the bond between local
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 including myself believe that sending
money
Use synonyms
 to national or international
charities
Use synonyms
 may aid
people
Use synonyms
 who
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 really need
such
Linking Words
 as providing help to
people
Use synonyms
 in poor countries where most of the population
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 under the poverty line.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these national or international organizations work hard and set up plans every year to help
people
Use synonyms
. So, they will ensure that
these allocated
Change the determiner
this allocated money
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 will be delivered to moneyless
people
Use synonyms
. From the above mentioned, it can be concluded that giving
money
Use synonyms
 to local
people
Use synonyms
 will make the community more connected to each other,
however
Linking Words
, sending these
charities
Use synonyms
 internationally might help
people
Use synonyms
 to survive as many of them barely have
money
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • philanthropy
  • grassroots
  • non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
  • altruism
  • donation
  • volunteer
  • sponsor
  • beneficiary
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • advocacy
  • impact
  • scalability
  • community development
  • fundraising
  • non-profit sector
  • humanitarian aid
  • social responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: