There is an increasing trend of old people living longer in many countries around the world. Do you think this has a positive or a negative effect on the population as a whole?

#trend #people #countries #world #effect #population

Nowadays, old humankinds are seem to live longer than before

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apply

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worldwide, and the number of

people

age

are

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increasing in many countries. I believe

this

trend has more

benefit

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benefits

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than

drawblack

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drawback

drawbacks

of the

population

but

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apply

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still

have

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has

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some negative

impack

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impact

impacts

for

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show examples

people

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people's

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life

. In the past, the

averange

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average

age

humans

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human

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life

was around

60s

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the 60s

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to 70s.

In today

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Today

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, data

showed

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shows

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the number of

people

life

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living

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are

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around

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the 80s

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80s

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to 100s, and in

Japan

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Japan,

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the oldest

age

are

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over 100. Eventually, countries in worldwide populations are increasing

years

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year

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years

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year

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, as we have new generations plus elderly

people

With

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Without

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Correct determiner usage

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doub

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doubt

this

is a positive development as old

people

can live longer to enjoy their

life

, and young

adult

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adults

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can

spned

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spend

times

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time

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to be with

thier

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their

parents.

For instance

, if a professor

such

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apply

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a doctor or a

scentist

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scientist

could live

untill

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until

100

years

old so that, he could

tranfers

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transfer

transfers

his

profession

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professional

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knowledge to others who might

needs

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need

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more experience for work. With the negative

impack

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impact

for

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population

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apply

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the world will suffer more and more because we have more citizens to live in a

county

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country

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but the natural resources are

become

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becoming

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less and less.

Therefore

people

are

worring

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worried

maybe

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that maybe

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one day in the future, we might lack

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apply

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water or electricity in our society.

For example

, in Malaysia the

population

has increased

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by 40

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% compared with

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apply

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the past five decades,

people

are using a lot more energy, the houses and buildings are

build

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built

show examples

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apply

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everywhere.

As a result

scentists

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scientists

have

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

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mentioned

early

Rephrase

earlier

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the

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that

show examples

national energy might be finished in 60

years

. In summary,

most

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in most

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countries around the world the number of

olderly

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older

people

age

are

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increasing, and

this

trend has pron and cons

impack

Correct your spelling

impacts

for

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show examples

the

population

However

, I believe most

people

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

perfer

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prefer

to see

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

family live as long as possible.

Although

this

could have some negative

impack

Correct your spelling

impacts

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

nearly 90% of the

people

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

enjoy

this

screnrio

Correct your spelling

scenario

Submitted by junechan822 on Tue Jan 18 2022

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coherence cohesion

Your essay should have a more well-organized structure. Consider placing each main point in a separate paragraph to make your ideas flow more logically.

coherence cohesion

Ensure you have a clear introduction that outlines your main points and a conclusion that summarizes your key arguments. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.

task achievement

Try to support your main points with more specific examples and explain how they relate to your argument. This will make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.

task achievement

Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving your vocabulary to make your essay easier to read and understand.

task achievement

You made a clear effort to address the task by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of the increasing trend of older people living longer.

task achievement

Your essay shows thoughtfulness regarding the implications of longer life expectancy, such as the benefits of elderly knowledge and concerns about resource scarcity.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
63Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

325 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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There is an increasing trend of old people living longer in many countries around the world. Do you think this has a positive or a negative effect on the population as a whole?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case? Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages.

In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case?　Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?