IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
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Nowadays, the widespread use of unhealthy foods has become common, and the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from obesity has increased. So, several
people
Use synonyms
 argued that
this
Linking Words
 problem should be solved by attending governments with raising the
price
Use synonyms
 of fattening foods. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea for several reasons.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is not justly to increase the
price
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 products in order to encounter obesity.
People
Use synonyms
 from all walks of life purchase fast
food
Use synonyms
 like hamburgers, pizza, and French fries.
As a result
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 who live in deprived areas are unable to buy them forever, but
people
Use synonyms
 who belong to the affluent of society can buy them without any problems.
This
Linking Words
 solution is not good for vulnerable groups of society.
For example
Linking Words
, children who live in low-income families are the
first
Linking Words
 victim of
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Secondly
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, one of the most important recreational activities and gatherings is eating junk
food
Use synonyms
. And
this
Linking Words
 gathering assists
people
Use synonyms
 to keep in touch and socialize. If the
price
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 increases, numerous
people
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, especially young
people
Use synonyms
, are unable to go out and hang out with their peers.
This
Linking Words
 limitation leads to depressions.
For example
Linking Words
, students have low incomes, and they are not capable of paying for fast
food
Use synonyms
 products at a high
price
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. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 solution leads to discrimination among citizens of society, and some
people
Use synonyms
 face a problem in their lives because they cannot afford to buy it forever, and I think training
people
Use synonyms
 is the best way to tackle it.
Submitted by royahabibiazad on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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