IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #media #touch #news #events #technology
Nowadays, tracking news events and socializing with others through social media has become a norm. In my opinion, there are more advantages than disadvantages of applying technology. First of all, it is a more timely and efficient way to access news stories. Compared with old methods in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional print, broadcast spreading on social platforms is more broadly and fast as there is no need to print out and distribute paper-based sources.
Furthermore
, we are living in an era
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 everyone can contribute to updating the incident.
Therefore
, the latest
broadcast
Fix the agreement mistake
broadcasts
show examples
 and updates about one social affair can be found easily on the social network.
Secondly
, another benefit social media can bring is to socialize with others effortlessly. The advent of technology allows people to keep in touch with their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
 ones regardless of their physical location and time.
For example
,
although
 my friends and I are currently living in different countries, we can make comments or chat with each other once we see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
posts or pictures from Instagram or Facebook posed by someone. What’s more, it is cost-effective and time-saving since we do not have to travel to meet up.
However
, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using social media to follow the reports or interact with others.
First,
we still need to be cautious about the trueness of the news stories.
Therefore
, the source of the report should be tested or proved to be true before being released. Other than that, some people who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack self-discipline may spend all their time online and get no real business done.
To conclude
, the advantages of technology far
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
outweigh the disadvantages as the usage of social networks is properly managed.
Submitted by 280164922 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of using social media for news and socializing. Ensure to provide more specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transition words and phrases could be used more effectively to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: