IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
A large number of
people
 around the world suffer from overweight or
obesity
.
People
 believe that food prices should be raised to prevent obese
people
 from buying them.
However
, I believe there are many reasons for weight gain
besides
 food consumption. As I said at the beginning, diet is not the only factor that causes many
people
 to become obese. Lack of exercise is
also
 a contributing factor. Our bodies produce energy when we digest food. When these energy sources are not used up, excess fat forms accumulate in the body and cause
obesity
.
Thus
,
people
 who are inactive are at a higher risk of
obesity
 and being overweight.
Instead
 of raising the
price
 of high-fat foods, we should organize social activities to encourage
people
 to exercise together to improve health,
thus
 reducing overweight and
obesity
.
Moreover
, the increase in product prices
also
 causes a cumulative effect over time. By increasing the
price
 of products, it makes it impossible for overweight
people
 as well as other "normal"
people
 to buy them.
This
 will unbalance the market and cause buyers to be picky about those products.
This
 will lead to an increase in the
price
 of goods, which will be stagnant and cannot be sold. The environment will be negatively affected.
Therefore
, an increase in product prices is not beneficial and effective. To summarize, I strongly disagree with the idea of raising the
price
 of fattening products to limit
obesity
. For many
people
, we should encourage them to be more active in order to reduce their risk of
obesity
.
Submitted by thientrang1616 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: