IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that tertiary-level courses are beneficial for securing a lucrative position,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is wise to work after higher secondary school to gain job-related skills and knowledge.
While
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 university education leads to higher wages and fulfilment, I believe it is better to opt for work-related opportunities after the twelfth standard, as it prepares teenagers for challenges in the professional world. On the one hand, it is evident that completing advanced academic studies opens up a world of highly paid employment.
This
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 implies that enhanced knowledge provides an individual with countless opportunities to earn well. It should be noted that, with the ever-rising inflation,
this
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 financial stability contributes to the
overall
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 mental well-being of the individual and their family. Research reveals that graduates from many reputable universities end up working for firms
such
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 as JPMorgan Chase, thereby emphasising that education is very important for career development.
Moreover
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, these high achievers eventually get international recognition through cross-cultural campaigns.
This
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 shows that studies carried out after high school improve career prospects and quality of life.
On the other hand
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, starting part-time or full-time work after finishing school can help students develop practical skills.
In other words
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,
such
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 experiences help polish skills
such
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 as communication, time management, and problem-solving. It is worth noting that the development of these competencies leads to reduced work-linked anxiety.
For instance
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, a survey found that youth who engaged in entry-level paid jobs prior to their professional roles were able to meet the company’s goals with minimal resistance. Considering
this
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, engaging in voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 makes young
more
Check wording
people more
show examples
 confident and capable, thereby increasing their potential for professional excellence
To conclude
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,
although
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 obtaining a professional degree leads to better job placements, it seems to me that developing capabilities through apprenticeships plays a crucial role in addressing workforce issues.

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example
Give more real examples to show why a degree helps, and add clear facts if you can.
development
Show both sides evenly. Do not give one side more proof than the other.
style
Use short, clear sentences. Keep ideas simple.
conclusion
End with a strong closing thought that restates your view.
accuracy
Check spelling and grammar to avoid mistakes.
structure
Clear plan with intro, two bodies, and a conclusion.
cohesion
Good use of contrast words to show two sides.
task response
Your view is clear at the end.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized expertise
  • on-the-job training
  • work experience
  • financial independence
  • career growth
  • hands-on experience
  • balanced perspective
  • internships
  • part-time work
  • academic learning
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • personal circumstances
  • financial constraints
  • career goals
  • individual aptitudes
  • well-paying careers
  • satisfying careers
  • specialized training
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