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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Towns A and B in two years, 1960 and 2010.

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Towns A and B in two years, 1960 and 2010.
#show #percentage #people #sectors #towns #b #two #years
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The bar charts compare the proportion of
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 population in three distinct sectors between
Town
Use synonyms
 A and
Town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in 1960 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 sector had the biggest workforce in both
Town
Use synonyms
 A and
Town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in 1960.
However
Linking Words
, there were some significant changes in 2010,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufacturing accounted for the main part in
Town
Use synonyms
 A, the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 was the
sales
Use synonyms
 in
Town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. In
town
Use synonyms
 A, 41% of people worked in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in the 1960-2010 period, which was higher than that of the
services
Use synonyms
, at 30%. the lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 in
Town
Use synonyms
 A was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufacturing, at only 29%.
However
Linking Words
, after 50 years, the percentage of workers who participated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufacturing in
Town
Use synonyms
 A sharply increased to 64%, which was higher than the
sales
Use synonyms
, at only 20%. The
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
services
Use synonyms
 dropped to 16%. In 1960,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 accounted for 70% in
Town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, which was the highest part of the
town
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, 20% of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 took part in the
services
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same year, compared to 10% of the manufacturing. In 2010, the
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 had a decreasing trend to 53% in
Town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of the
services
Use synonyms
 slightly grew up to 22%. In 2010, the percentage of employees who worked in the manufacturing sector was 25% in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sharmilahdevi290895 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words town, b, sales, figure, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominant sector
  • proportion
  • employment sectors
  • distribution
  • shifts
  • trends
  • growth
  • decline
  • main sector
  • 50-year period
  • comparison focus
  • analyze
  • summarize
  • changes
  • increase
  • decrease
  • evolution
  • observed
  • highlight
  • underlie
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