IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Towns A and B in two years, 1960 and 2010.

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Towns A and B in two years, 1960 and 2010.
#show #percentage #people #sectors #towns #b #two #years
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The bar charts compare the proportion of
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 population in three distinct sectors between
Town
 A and
Town
B
 in 1960 and 2010.
Overall
, the
sales
 sector had the biggest workforce in both
Town
 A and
Town
B
 in 1960.
However
, there were some significant changes in 2010,
while
 the proportion of
the
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manufacturing accounted for the main part in
Town
 A, the highest
figure
 was the
sales
 in
Town
B
. In
town
 A, 41% of people worked in
the
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sales
 in the 1960-2010 period, which was higher than that of the
services
, at 30%. the lowest
figure
 in
Town
 A was
the
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manufacturing, at only 29%.
However
, after 50 years, the percentage of workers who participated in
the
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manufacturing in
Town
 A sharply increased to 64%, which was higher than the
sales
, at only 20%. The
figure
of
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for
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the
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services
 dropped to 16%. In 1960,
the
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sales
 accounted for 70% in
Town
B
, which was the highest part of the
town
.
Besides
, 20% of
workforce
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the workforce
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 took part in the
services
at
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in
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 the same year, compared to 10% of the manufacturing. In 2010, the
figure
of
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for
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the
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sales
 had a decreasing trend to 53% in
Town
B
,
whereas
 that of the
services
 slightly grew up to 22%. In 2010, the percentage of employees who worked in the manufacturing sector was 25% in
town
B
.
Submitted by sharmilahdevi290895 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words town, b, sales, figure, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominant sector
  • proportion
  • employment sectors
  • distribution
  • shifts
  • trends
  • growth
  • decline
  • main sector
  • 50-year period
  • comparison focus
  • analyze
  • summarize
  • changes
  • increase
  • decrease
  • evolution
  • observed
  • highlight
  • underlie
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